Aisophistic

Thursday, January 03, 2008, a thing called HOPE @ 10:33 PM

i just felt like ranting here.

had cost accounting ica today. i told bacin that i felt im gonna cry after the ica yesterday. and guess wad, i really did cry.

the night was spent on doing my proj and in the morning, early morning i meant arnd 2-4 am. i spent on revising my cost accounting ica. i couldnt get anyting into my head. and i felt damn worried. and how sad right, to study with a candle and having tears to accompany you through the nite. im not gonna share as to why im studying with a candle as my light. i studied till 4 am.

and the next morning i told mrlove to wake me up at 7. and yah i dilligently woke up and studied again. this time my mind was fresher. and could absorb more. felt kinda relieved. around 8 plus, i get more tense and decided to miss by biz accouting lesson and that makes up for 2 days absence in total currently for this module. and i did not attend for ICT too.

i thought it will be a good sacrifice. and soon, my head was spinning around and so i decided to take a nap. as i just had 3 hours of sleep.

woke up and head to sch. feeling not so confident of the test. took the test, received the paper, and all of a sudden my mind went blank. totally blank. i just dont noe wad happen to me. and worst i dont even noe wad i was linking in the excel spreadsheet. and i even msged nassie during the paper and saying im gonna fail the paper.

and i noe i will definitely get 4m out of 35m only. how sad, and im feeling very depressed about this. i just felt that i lose hope, totally lose hope. its gettng on me and hitting me one by one. can u imagine to have a pathetic 1% that constitutes the marks of the module. out of 15%.

and so i was holding back my tears after the paper while people happily discussed their answers. but when i was in the LT, i couldnt hold it any further. and so, i burst out, totally burst out. it is the first time nassie saw me crying. thanks nassie, for gaving me that positive remark and all.

its just now, i dont noe. i dont noe whether will i be that strong to pull myself back and face my studies. but i noe i have to do it fast. cause exams is like in less than 20 days. and im failing very badly .and mind you, its the worst paper in mylife. ive never felt so shitty all my life before when it comes to my studies. but it was really somting that i noe, that struck me all of a sudden. empty, blank mind do happen to u. and it does, to me. but see, wad happens, a major blunder now.

i msged bacin and told her wad happen. bacin, honestly im really missing you when in time like this, coz i noe, we faced this when in secondary school. and we will be there for each other. but i noe, its all diff now. and i have to stop being like this. but bacin, thanks for the msgs. i really appreciate it.

and now for this module, im going to stand at a fail. ohmygod. i shall stop it. or else, i will start to shed again. and i had enuf with the headache.

i want it badly. but i noe now it all seems so far. so far from me

at least let me gain myself back. pls GOD. amin.

and my dear friends. im sori, im not in the mood to have fun. im so sori.