Aisophistic

Monday, March 15, 2010, Somewhere I Belong @ 8:11 PM

Love this shot. Credits definitely goes to our makeup artist for Glamour 2010 and who specially came down again to support her friend and also us for our showcase @ Jurong Point. Thanks kak!

Dance practices, dance rehearsels and even dance showcase have been filling up my time. It was not an easy thing to do it after work every single day,especially the last few months, when i am having mountains and piles of work, and catching the time to rush for practices as it clashes with the artists.And sacrificing the only time i am left with love, for dance. It was seriously tough managing this 3.

Whats more with love having his moments, when he needed me by his side. But i managed to be there for him even though i was dying to sleep. Getting used to his shift work. And squeezing whatever time we have left to meet, even after practices for 30 mins, it suffice. But the quality time, its really gone. It have been so long since we actually sit down and talk. I miss it like *toot*. Seriously!

But im glad love understands my dying passion for dance. And only through dance, it makes me shake off my stress away and alsoget my mind off thinking about those unnecessary thoughts. Although yes i am sacrificing my social life. But you know what, it have been close to 3 months,i have not gone out and let out everything. Let out meaning shopping my lungs out like how i used to, meeting my girls and gossip and bitch like fuck! I miss all this.

But not only dance was an obstacle to me, work was more demanding than everything else. The only thing my friends are hearing from me,is me ranting my thoughts. I feel so sucky to do that. I wouldnt want to come to them only when i am feeling down. But how am i to sharemy happy moments, when pathetically i have none now. I couldnt remember the last time i laughed or smiled. All i could remember was the last time i cried, after so long, after bottling up everything, and my bottle finally pop!

Lately i am not being myself. I felt so isolated at times from the world.Sounds like some emoshit loner complaining right? But seriously, it comes to a point, that i question myself at times, what the hell am i doing. And finally, when i discovered my soul that i am missing a piece of me, i have come to a decision.

I believe that it might not be the best decision but i feel it is the right decision for me, at least now.Just like my nick at work for Instant Messaging using Lotus Notes. It says: Somewhere i Belong.

So i figured that out and I had executed the plan. It took me this long to finally decide.Its not a decision that i can just "oh yeah, lets do it or lets go"! I have to consider the pros and cons. ALOT.

And relatively i felt more pulled away from it. And thus, self reflection was done. Weighing pros and cons was also done. Alhamdullilah, my heart is at least calm and peaceful as i have made a decision.

Whether getting it or not, thats another story. I leave it to HIM. I will accept whatever HE thinks is best for me, at this moment. I believe in good things do come to people who wait. Insya- allah. Amin.

I learnt alot during this phase. Human behaviours, lots of people skills and also yes not forgetting, worklife. I seriously learnt alot!I wont elaborate here. I dont see the need for it.

Credits: Thanks to love, bacin love, lin bitch, fad pantat, ean sayang, husi baby, nas slut, dance eyla, my sis, my family and not forgetting my colleagues- yani, radiah, faz, fidah and of course aisah, the one who always give me fair advices. For being there,telling me not to give up. Telling me i must endure and sacrifice. Telling me i deserve the best. Telling me, i will pull through. Thanks for being there for me.Thanks for understanding that i am no longer the same Aishah due to some reasons, internal technical glitch. Thanks for accomodating with my nonsense, my woes, my sorrows. I could not thank this whole group enough. Seriously.!

I love you bunch of guys so much!

And sayang, im extremely sorry for you being my medium of venting my anger and my stress. Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for making me feel, you will still be there for me although we dont get to see eye to eye. I promise that i will make up the time that we have lost, due to my dance practices and also workload. I dont want to lose you ever. Cz you know right, i love you so much! More than everything else. Let's work it baby! Like you always say it to me.

So when will i be back? Cz at the rate im going i feel im going to be DEAD and GONE!.